Kooky Von Koopa's Mad Science Show
by CosmicKitten89
Summary: Hey there!  It's Kooky Von Koopa, and I can answer all of your mad science questions because I'm a mad GENIUS! WOO-HOO-HOO-WOO-OO-OOH!  Isn't science fun?  Especially when it's MAD SCIENCE!  Oh, and Igor-I mean, Iggy Koopa's here to help.
1. Chapter 1

Kooky: Welcome to Kooky Von Koopa's Mad Science Show! I am your host, Kooky Von Koopa, and on this show I will answer all of your burning science questions! Now, I haven't gotten any yet, so I am just here to tell you to do that. IGOR!

Iggy: It's Iggy.

Kooky: Whatever. You're new to being smart like me. Anyway, Igor-uh, Iggy is here to assist as well. Now remember, this show is rated K for Kiddies, so no asking inappropriate questions, such as where babies come from.

Iggy: You know, I've always wondered that myself – where _do_ babies come from?

Kooky: (face palm) Um, how do I put this appropriately… when a cell from a daddy and a cell from a mommy get together, the cells combine and grow into a baby.

Iggy: But how do the cells get together?

Kooky: I am not allowed to answer that on this show! That would be what the moderators at Fanfiction dot net refer to as "Adult Content".

Iggy: What's adult content?

Kooky: You have to be an adult to know that.

Iggy: But you know about it, and you have since you were not near old enough to be an adult yet, haven't you?

Kooky: Yes, because I was smart enough to be an adult.

Iggy: But I'm smart enough to be an adult!

Kooky: (sighs) I'll tell you after the show. I cannot say it in front of the kiddies who are not smart enough to be adults. No offense to the kiddies.

SO SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS OR PREPARE TO ENTER CHAOS MODE!

WOO-HOO-HOO-WOO-OO-OOH!


	2. First Show

(Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or anything else anywhere in this story.

Also, pardon Kooky/Ludwig if he gets arrogant and rude, that's just the way he is. He's an evil Koopaling.)

Kooky: So happy that you all are watching! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Now, So far we've gotten just four responses-

Iggy: Only four? Man, I thought we would get one hundred! Why don't you wait until we get more to do the show?

Kooky: Because, dear Iggy, if we do the show right now so the audience can see that we deliver, then the responses will come pouring in! WOO-HOO-HOO-

Iggy: Here's the first one from our biggest fan, Tiana Koopa:

**Hey guys! You two are awesome! Anyways,**

**Kooky and Iggy: Which is better? Science ore Math?**

Kooky: Well, between science, ore, and math, well, ore falls under the category of geology, which is a science, and math is also a science – the purest of the sciences, as a matter of fact.

Iggy: Yuck! Science is waaay better!

Kooky: I beg your pardon, but without math, you couldn't do science.

Iggy: You don't need to know math to mix two chemicals to make them explode!

Kooky: But you do need advanced knowledge of math to know whether those two chemicals will explode or not, and how powerful that explosion will be!

Iggy: Well, I've got these two extremely reactive compounds over here, and I am going to pour the entire contents of both of them together and make them explode! But trust me, it's not enough to blow a hole in the set!

Kooky: My chemical simulation calculator will be the judge of that. Now let's see, I just need the molarity of each, the temperature, the quantities… (types values into the chemical simulation calculator)

Iggy: (pours substances together) Ahaha, ah-ha-ha!

Kooky: I would step about ten paces back, if I were you.

Iggy: No way! I want a close up view of the explosion!

Kooky: Three, two, one…

**(BAM!)**

Iggy: (hides into his shell) Whoa… what! A hole in the wall! Oh, man, Kooky, you were right!

Kooky: Behold, the power of math. It really works, you know.

Iggy: Maybe I should spend less time goofing around in the lab and more time studying calculus.

Kooky: You think?

All right, here's our next question from lucy von koopa:

**vhy do we have earthquakes**

Iggy: When we were little, King Dad always told us that earthquakes happened whenever he stomped the floor when he was angry.

Kooky: That is utter nonsense! You see, the ground that you're standing upon is actually composed of tectonic plates floating upon hot liquid magma. Actually, I'm baking something in the oven right now that can be used to demonstrate. Iggy, remove the brownies from the oven!

Iggy: You got it! Owowowowow! (burns hands on hot brownie tray)

Kooky: Iggy, how many times have I told you not to touch hot stuff with your bare hands!

Iggy: (puts on an oven mitt) Sheesh, people ought to use tongues like for a Bunsen burner! (hands Kooky the tray of brownier)

Kooky: Ok, now, Iggy, bring me the hot fudge!

Iggy: Coming! (gives Kooky a pitcher full of hot fudge)

Kooky: All right! (pours hot fudge into another brownie tray, removes the uncut sheet of cooked brownie batter and places it on top of the hot fudge)

Iggy: (reaches for the brownies)

Kooky: (smacks Iggy) These are for the viewers! You can have some when we are done!

Now, the brownies are like the tectonic plates, and the hot fudge is like the magma. Now, the earth isn't all one tectonic plate. It's broken up into several. (Breaks the brownies apart) These cracks between the pieces of brownie are called fault lines. Now, the magma is hot, and it churns around, causing the brownies – ahem, tectonic plates, to bump into and brush up against each other along the fault lines. That's what is happening when an earthquake strikes, but on a much larger scale.

Iggy: (Smashes brownies into each other) Die, Brownie Landers, die! I wonder, when Chocolate Island gets earthquakes, is it from the heat of hot fudge magma?

Kooky: Ask Wendy. Now, our next response is from-

Iggy: Can I have the brownies now?

Kooky: Yes, you may. I'll take some too, if you don't mind…

(Both greedily gobble up the brownies and lick the hot fudge out of the pan)

Kooky: Aahh, that was a fine lunch. Anyway, dragon19kyoshi has asked us:

**Dear Kooky: In my favor, can you tell me how water is made of?**

Kooky: Your grammar is atrocious. Do you want to know _how_ water is made or _what_ it is made of? Ah, well, I can and will inform you on both. Water is made of two parts hydrogen, combined with one part oxygen. Now, I shall show you how we make it!

Iggy: First, we will rip the water molecules apart using electricity, then we will put them back together!

Kooky: (sets up an electrolysis apparatus) Now, you see, we run electric current through the water, which will add enough energy to split the molecules apart by element. The hydrogen will collect at one side, and the oxygen will collect at the other.

See, we've got a container full of hydrogen and a container full of oxygen. Now, we've got plenty of oxygen everywhere, but hydrogen on its own is rare because it's so reactive that it would almost always be at a lower energy state if bonded to something else…

Iggy: I think the viewers are confused…

Kooky: Then you explain it.

Iggy: Well, when we electrolyzed it, we put energy into the water to turn it into these two gases. But when we put the gases together, we let the energy out, and they turn back into water!

Kooky: And we all know what happens when we let energy loose!

(Kooky and Iggy let the gases out; they combine with a pop, a flare, and a burst of water vapor)

Kooky and Iggy: EXPLOSION!

(Both explode in a fit of laughter.)

Iggy: Ok, let me read the next one! It's from Diana:

**Hello, this is CosmicKitten89's twin sister, and I want you to use your Dr. K's products on the show!**

Iggy: Kooky, that's gotta be illegal for you to call it Dr. K's if you're not even a doctor!

Kooky: Shut up, I'm almost finished with my Ph. D.! Now, here we have Dr. K.'s amazing hair growth formula! It can make anybody grow hair, even our baldie sister Wendy!

Iggy: Then why won't you use it on her?

Kooky: Well, she won't let me, since I offered some to Roy… gave him dreadlocks…

Iggy: _Purple_ dreadlocks…

Kooky: _Radioactive_ purple dreadlocks. I've worked out the kinks, but she's still scared… oh, well. If she wants to remain bald, that's her problem.

Iggy: We just got another review!

Kooky: Oh, goodie! Who is it?

Iggy: It's ElectroCrasher, and it says:

**Aww! It's Kooky! How's your hair doing? Messy or finally combed? **

**Anyways, Kooky, what do you as a test subject, lab mice or Iggy? (Sorry, Iggy) I mean, he IS your assistant, right?**

Kooky: Well, I usually wear my hair combed and coiffed to perfection, with the help of my Dr. K's hair volumizer and detangler formula, but when I've been working in the lab for days on end, it gets messy again, like it is now.

Now, I use a variety of different creatures, lab mice included, as test subjects. But then there are some experiments for which only an actual Koopa is a suitable test subject. And Iggy is of course the most willing volunteer.

Iggy: Hey, I never volunteer for your crazy experiments!

Kooky: Well, when you were little you didn't know what you were getting into!

Iggy: But then I got smart.

Kooky: Thanks to my ingenious Geniusificator!

Iggy: I was always smart! I just pretended to be crazy and silly and stupid because I didn't feel ready to be a mad scientist yet!

Kooky: Sure you were. Anyways, that's it for our show today! (Walks off set)

Iggy: Oh, and Kooky forgot to mention: He_ loooves_ receiving flames with his questions! Flame him with your next question, even if you don't mean it! Call him stupid or ugly or mean, he loves that! Tee hee!


	3. You're So Mean Ludwig!

Kooky: Woo-hoo-hoo! I think it's about time we have another show, don't you, Igor?

Iggy: It's Iggy! I'm not a stupid Igor like you think I am!

Kooky: Don't be offended, Igor! Have you seen the movie Igor? The Igor in that movie was really smart like you!

Iggy: Well I don't have a hunchback like a proper Igor should!

Kooky: You do know that your name on your birth certificate is Igor, right?

Iggy: NOOO WAAAY! MY NAME IS Ignatius!

Kooky: WOO-HOO-HOO-WOOH! Actually, your official name is Iggy Hop Koopa. A play on Iggy Pop.

Iggy: Well that's pretty trashy to name me Iggy instead of Ignatius or a real name like that.

Kooky: We could have it changed to Igor if you like…

Iggy: No thanks! Sheesh, let's just blow something up already!

Kooky: Iggy, don't you remember the rules? Answer questions first, blow something up later!

This one is from dragon19kyoshi:

**Kooky: If a Bob-omb explodes when the fuse reaches the metal part, what happens when you put gun powder and fire together on a Bob-omb?**

Kooky: Simple! Iggy, fetch the gunpowder!

Iggy: Why do I have to do all the fetching?

Kooky: You don't have to do all of the fetching! See, I have just fetched the Bob-omb!

Iggy: Ok, ok… now old-fashioned gunpowder is made out of sulfur, charcoal and potassium nitrate. When you burn it you get carbon dioxide, water vapor, nitrogen and potassium sulfide.

Kooky: Here, I'll draw up the equation for everybody:

S + 3(C) + 2(KNO3) = K2S + 3(CO2) + N2

Iggy: Why don't we use TNT?

Kooky: We are going to work our way up when it comes to explosives! Next time we can maybe do TNT, but we are going to eventually work our way up to NUCLEAR EXPLOSIONS! WOO-HOO-HOO-

Iggy: All right! (pours gunpowder into the Bob-omb)

Kooky: Ok, now let's test the explosiveness of a normal Bob-omb.

Iggy: Bob-ombs do contain gunpowder, you know.

Kooky: Quick, hide in your shell…

(Throws the unloaded Bob-Omb and it explodes)

Iggy: That was lame! I hope this one explodes bigger… waah! It's glowing hot, Kooky!

(Bob-omb explodes; shatters all the glass equipment in the lab. Kooky and Iggy are black and burnt.)

Kooky: Luckily I have my magic wand to fix things.

(Kooky uses magic wand to restore everything to how it was before the Bob-omb exploded.)

Kooky: Kids, don't ever play with explosives – unless you've got a magic wand like me – and I doubt that any of you do. Next is from a Ruby:

**Iggy and Kooky: Why are you two so cute?**

Iggy: We are not supposed to be cute! We're supposed to be EVIL!

Kooky: Regardless of whether or not we're evil, we happen to be very endearing in appearance. This is because we are fairly young and helpless by Koopa standards; evolution designed young creatures to be endearing to their elders so that their elders will take care of them so that they can survive to reproduce in adulthood. Now, mind you, we're not going to be cute forever. When we reach King Dad's age we'll be big and ugly because we'll be strong enough not to need to touch people's hearts for protection to survive anymore.

Iggy: We are not young and helpless! We are teenagers and quite strong to boot!

Kooky: Koopas have a longer adolescence than other creatures, you know. And we continue to grow to some extent even as adults. And as strong as we are compared to other creatures, we couldn't win a fight with King Koopa.

Iggy: Read this! It's from izzy koopa!

**hehehehe ludwig von koopa you are so mean iggy told me to say it hehehehe any way how do volcanoes erupt**

Kooky: (Stares angrily at Iggy while Iggy giggles)

(Sighs) Anyway, let's do an experiment! Iggy, get the boxed baking soda volcano that you got for Christmas!

Iggy: Awww, but it' collector's edition! I wanted to keep it mint inside the box forever!

Kooky: Do you think they make those things so that people can keep them in the box to look at forever? Bring it here and tear it open!

Iggy: All right, but I'm getting a new one!

(Brings over a volcano that looks like Santa Claus.)

Kooky: Whaaaa…?

Iggy: Teehee… I told you it was a special collector's edition!

Kooky: Well, it's got sodium bicarbonate and acetic acid included, right?

Iggy: Yup, in special collectible holiday decorated bottles!

Kooky: Hmm, well, you see, the earth is full of pressure underneath. Gases and heat that want to get out.

(Pours the baking soda and vinegar inside the Santa and closes it)

Iggy: Don't forget the food coloring!

Kooky: Now, the carbon dioxide that is formed here will be wanting to get out just like the bubbling magma under the earth. Now, Santa can't keep all of that inside him forever, so it's going to come out through the weakest part, through any opening, or anything that might be an opening, which in this case, will be his mouth… hey, his mouth doesn't have an opening!

Iggy: Teehee… it's not a burping or vomiting Santa, silly!

Kooky: Uh oh.

(Orange bubbles and gases spew out of Santa's pants)

Kooky: This is a kid's show Iggy! What were you thinking?

Iggy: Just doing what you asked me to.

Kooky: Well, I didn't realize that… Anyway, kids, volcanoes happen when the gases under the earth find an easy way out. Now let's answer ElectroCrasher's question:

**Oh, umm... Kooky? Is it true that white light is just all of the colors combined? If so, can you explain why? Please?**

Kooky: That's actually quite true, ElectroCrasher. That's why white light makes everything it shines on look whatever color it actually is. You see, light is made up of little units called photons, and every photon has a different color depending on how much energy it's got. Blue photons have more energy than red photons, which is why they look blue… remember ROY G BIV; the later the letter, the higher the energy of the color it corresponds to.

And when you mix them all together well enough, they'll be so bright and blurred together that you can't pick them apart from one another and so you perceive it as white!

But if you view it through a prism or a soap bubble, or even a slit, or even if you just squint at it, you might begin to see a bit of a rainbow!

Now, one last question… aww, darn, how does Simon get so many responses while we don't?

Well, this must be one of Simon's fans, chipmunkfanantic:

**I have never heard of you guys but anyway i do have a few Science Questions **

**Kooky if you could rule the world with an Iron Fist would you **

**Iggy How many Science Expereiments have you Conducted . **

**and a Question for both of you . Kooky Iggy do you think you could Check out my show its a Question and Answer show like yours but it Still needs work and i was wondering ifyou two could help out ?**

Kooky: Never heard of us? Don't you play the Super Mario games? Like New Super Mario Bros. Wii? That last boss with the blue hair? Yeah, that's me. But you know that Kooky is only my name in the cartoon; everywhere else, I'm Ludwig.

Iggy: And the crazy boss with the glasses and the green hair… yeah, that's me.

Kooky: I suggest watching the Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 on Youtube. I highly suggest watching the episode titled "Oh, Brother"… and "Up, up and a Koopa"… and Super Koopa… and pretty much any episode with me in it…

Iggy: I'm not smart in the TV show; I'm my brother Lemmy's dumb twin, and we're called Hip and Hop in the show. I'm Hop, and Lemmy's Hip.

Kooky: Happy viewing! Yes, I would rule the world with an iron fist if I could. That's what my father Bowser's set out to do… although he can hardly keep an iron fist on the Mushroom Kingdom…

Iggy: I don't know, lots, I don't count, I don't like math…

Kooky: Iggy, you can't be a good scientist if you don't do math!

Iggy: I'm good at math, doesn't mean that I like it like you do…

Kooky: I don't appreciate other viewers trying to solicit their own shows on MY show, so good day, mister, or madam, as the case might be!

Iggy: I'll watch your show!

Kooky: You would. It's probably stupid and crazy like you.

Iggy: I might still be crazy, but I'm not stupid anymore! Izzy was right; you are mean, Ludwig Von Koopa!

Kooky: Well, I'm off to play my new masterpiece on my violin. Auf wiedersehen. (leaves the lab)

Iggy: Gargh, how does Simon get all those flames, especially when he's not even mean? You weren't mean enough, izzy koopa! I'm expecting some genuine flames next time around, people!

HAHA! I want you all to SCORCH LUDWIG! HAH!

Oh, by the way, he forgot to tell you that we're bringing one of our siblings to be a guinea pig on the next show, so be sure to post some questions for them!

HAHAHAHAHHAH!


End file.
